Boyfriend Chronicles, Part III

After the Honorable Mentions, I went through the rest of high school with the company of my close knit girl friend group. We had so much fun, but the time came where we graduated and went on to bigger and better things. I went away to school, but not too far away, and made some new friends that went on to be another close knit group through most of college.  Anyway, the summer after my freshman year, I came home.  A couple of the girls in my group were part of a swing dancing club and invited the rest of us to join.  A few of us did and that's where I met B3.  The first time we all saw him, he was wearing a sweatband around his forehead looking incredibly geeky.  He was a very nice guy and a great dance partner, but we all giggled about the sweatband when we'd be sitting on the sides like wallflowers until someone asked us to dance.  It was a great summer filled with lots of dancing and new friends.

Somewhere in the middle was when I really started talking with B3 and got to know him better.  He was in his mid-20s when I was 19, which was so weird to me at the time because we were in two totally different stages of life at the time.  He was working on his Masters after achieving a double Bachelors degree in Music and Computer Science and I was only one year into my Bachelors degree.  Oh yeah, this guy was in Mensa, which my nerdy side thought was cool.  I found that out because one of my girl friends had found his website which had his resume, interests, etc.  I studied this thing and would occasionally drop bits and pieces of it into conversation, which seemed to dazzle this guy.  I mean, I mentioned LaTex code for crying out loud.  That's a nerd's dream to hear a girl talk about it!  Then one night at a swing dance function, he gave me his number because I mentioned I was throwing a party and he should come.  After the party, we went on a date and the rest was history.

We had a lot of fun going places and swing dancing.  It was so nice to always have a dance party at the functions and it was also nice to be able to trust your partner not to throw you around the floor.  Going over to his place was always strange because he shared a small apartment with his mom, whom he was extremely close to.  B3 and I were together for around 3 months.  We tried to do the long distance thing and he even made the 3 hour drive to come see me one night because I mentioned I was going to have dinner by myself and was lonely.  We stayed up all night wandering around campus because I couldn't bring a guy back to my dorm.  

After a month or so of trying to make a long distance relationship work, I realized something about us that I hadn't noticed while I was at home: he was kind of needy.  Also, remember that whole being in two totally different stages of life thing?  Yeah, it wasn't working out because he was ready to move forward with his life while I was experiencing my college years at 19.  I was definitely not wanting to settle down then.  So one day he called me saying that he felt like something was wrong.  I laid it out for him and said I thought we should break up.  He was pretty emotional about it and said, "Well, I need to go clean up before I go present at this meeting."  I felt like a jerk because he was about to present some research findings to his Masters committee and was all red from crying and upset that his girlfriend has just dumped him from 200 miles away.  There's never a right time to do these things, but man did I have impeccable timing...

We saw each other a few times afterward and I tried to salvage a friendship and I thought it was going to be okay, but I think he didn't want to see me anymore.  He got a girlfriend a while later that he's still with now and seems to be incredibly happy.  I said hey to him a couple of times when I'd see them and he would act cold and distant, so I just decided to quit altogether.  He's got the right to not want to be friendly.  I still feel bad about the whole situation because he was a really nice guy and a great boyfriend, but he just wasn't for me.  I knew he'd find the perfect girl for him one day and make her extraordinarily happy.

Lessons learned:

1. Be wary of guys who cut their ex-girlfriends out of pictures when you want to see old pictures of them.  It might show they have some emotional issues with getting over things.
   
2. An older guy still living with his mother is not always a bad thing.  Just double check.  (See: Norman Bates)
   
3. Don't lie about your interests.  While I never exactly said that I enjoyed some of the things he did, I didn't say I didn't.  I just alluded to knowledge I didn't have.  
   

Boyfriend Chronicles, Honorable Mentions

I sound like a terrible person right off the bat by prefacing my story with labeling it "honorable mentions." But that's what they were. There were two guys in high school that I didn't exactly date, but I learned something from the "relationship" all the same.

1. Honorable Mention #1 aka HM1

I met this guy in my C++ programming class. Yes, I am a geek to the core. The class was taught my the band director, so I knew it'd be informative as well as entertaining. Originally, some of my girl friends were in the class, but dropped out because they thought it was boring, or something. (Maybe I can get some clarification on this?) So that left me as the only girl in the class, which was fine by me. I ran with the boys anyway.

So there was this one guy who was in a grade older than me that I had noticed in class only because I didn't know him from band or was in my grade. I didn't think anything of him until he one day appeared at our lunch table. HM1 struck up a conversation with me, which was totally out of the ordinary since I was not the girl that got picked out of a crowd. Well, for anything positive. Maybe for noticing my singing/dancing in public or interesting fashion sense. (I wore a lot of pajama pants in public in high school.) Anyway, he continued to talk to me as the days went on and eventually, somehow, we became a pseudo "item." At least, that's what I thought we were. Things took a strange turn after he had spent all this time flirting with me, then asked advice on how to get one of his ex's back that he still cared for. Being the person that I am, I gave him sound advice which appalled him thoroughly. Especially considering the game he was playing with me that I had yet to figure out. He wasn't after that or anything. I think we only kissed once. Turns out, he was using me to get a better grade in C++. He knew I was in with the teacher and enjoyed programming so my grades were good. HM1 was a special kind of individual. I'll also point out that he had a bad habit of running his mouth and told some colorful stories about when he tried to "enjoy" a car's tailpipe. *ahem* And around the fire station (I used to hang out with he, B2, and HM2 at the station being a junior explorer firefighter. Random, yes.), his nickname was "Sweet Cheeks." I'll just let that one hang in the air.

2. Honorable Mention #2 aka HM2

I knew HM2 from band. He was in the same grade as HM1 and B2, a grade ahead. HM2 was in the drumline, like me, but only marched my freshman year. He played in the concert band afterwards, so we knew each other pretty well. Eventually, he and I ended up hanging out a few times and had begun to flirt innocently back and forth. One day in his truck, he had that look like he was going to kiss me, but chickened out. You'd think this would be a sign, right? I took it to be that. But after that, he just sorta disappeared. Since we were sorta friends first, I was curious and made sure things were alright, but he was evasive. Once I finally got ahold of him, he told me had cancer and was freaking out. I was completely shocked! I mean, we're only in high school! He said he was going to the doctor the next day and was pretty scared about it, so I said I'd come over afterwards to see how he was doing.

I was true to my word and showed up the next day at his house. He was very strange and didn't want to talk to me, so I thought things had gone pretty bad. I left and we didn't speak again. Then I get some more news about him later that was even more shocking that his potentially having cancer. He lied. He didn't have cancer. He only said he had cancer just to not have to go out with me. There are no words, to this day, that I can find to properly convey my feelings towards an act like that. You'd think I'd have a complex at this point.

Lessons learned: 1.) Guys can have extreme tunnel vision for what they want (i.e. good grade); 2.) People can totally lose their spine when confronted with an uncomfortable situation; and 3.) I can hold my own in a fight. See, after our "fling," HM1 made the mistake of saying I was a prissy girl and, to make it worse, in front of all the firemen at the station. So I laid him out flat on his back on the concrete behind the fire truck in front of all those guys. Guess I stayed in his mind after all this because just last week, I got a friend request from him on Facebook. Still not sure about that one.

Boyfriend Chronicles, Part II

I guess it's about time to share another sordid tale of love from years past. Ha. This is still high school we're talking about, so at least there's some drama.

After my first relationship gone sour, I was enjoying the single life. However, after a while, I began longing for someone since my one and only relationship thus far had fizzled, so I was still trying to figure out how relationships worked. I had a lot of friends in the band, and because it's all one big family anyway, people tend to hear and see more than they bargained for. Let's just say everybody knows everyone's business. There are absolutely no secrets in a high school marching band.

The fall, aka marching season, of my sophomore year, we were en route to an out of town football game on the bus. I started out sitting towards the front of the bus with a friend, but wanted to talk to some more friends in the back. The only open seat was next to the big, countrified, guy who played the baritone. I had never spoken to him because he was a junior (I was still getting to know people and somewhat afraid of the upper classmen) and could be downright scary in marching formation. He would walk around and try to catch people moving at attention, when you're not supposed to move at all, as well as bark commands with his loud, booming voice. Needless to say, this big tough guy made me nervous. However, I wanted to talk to my friends and the friend I was sitting with, a senior, told me to go sit next to him. 

Me: "Are you nuts?"

Her: "What? It's only ____."

Me: "Exactly!"

Her: "Oh he's harmless."

So I suck it up and trudge back there before plopping down next to him to chat. He seemed slightly surprised by this, but was super nice. Totally unlike had seemed to me thus far. Of course, no one paid me any attention in band, but as soon as I sit next to a guy, everyone decides to turn around to take a peek. Not to mention, talk about it like it's the only topic in the world when you stop to eat and during the whole game. I was grilled more than a patty melt.

On the way back home, I sat next to him again because he was turning out to be such a sweetheart and was a lot of fun. One of his good friends was sitting nearby and wanted to put his feet up, but the guy I was sitting with had his arm behind the seat. So friend asks if he could put his arm down around me so he could put his feet up. I will never forget what he said: "Well, uh, sure, but you'd have to ask her because I don't want to crush her or something." I obliged and found myself falling for this guy. Turns out he had liked me since the summer and had been caught stealing glances at me from other band members whenever I walked by. Weeks later at the homecoming dance, one of the girls in the color guard asked him, in front of me, "Have you asked her out  yet?" He replied, "No." She chirped, "Oh. Okay!" and bounced off. I laughed at the awkwardness and he hugged me before whispering, "So, do you want to go out with me?" How could I say no to that?

We had a lot of fun together for the 4 months we were together. This relationship was so different than the first one, and gave me back my hope for love. I was able to be myself and still be liked for it. I guess being a tomboy and dating a redneck was the perfect formula. We would ride around his truck and find places to park and talk (yes, talk) as well as go out with our friends. Our song became "Red Strokes" by Garth Brooks because we listened to it one night on repeat snuggled up in the cab watching the night. I still think of him and get nostalgic when I hear that song.

But like I said, it only lasted 4 months, and that was my fault. At the time, I felt that maybe it wasn't as good as it could've been and maybe I was settling. So I called it off. I was still learning how this whole dating game worked. As soon as I said the words and saw his face, I realized what a huge mistake I had made. I tried to patch things up later that week, but it was never the same. He ended up doing something similar and tried going out with a freshman girl whom later he found in bed with another guy. We tried again after we had both healed, but we decided we'd be better as friends. We lost touch and I wish I could talk to him again. B2 was definitely one of my favorites.

By the way, the whole friend wanting to put his feet up thing? It was all a scam! The friend was good friends with B2 and had been trying to hook us up the whole time since he sorta had an in with me too. He was my drum captain. This hit me like a ton of bricks a year or two later after we had broken up. Talk about being slow on the uptake. Mind like a steel trap, I tell ya.

So, lessons learned. 1.) Realize what you have before you lose it, 2.) Even the biggest and toughest guy can be a Teddy bear (he drew pink and red hearts in a love note in Ag class in front of all his buddies to leave as a surprise in my locker one day), and 3.) How to make a cheap and effective bomb. Let's just say his redneck buddies liked to blow up mailboxes. Not that he ever did that. I don't think. He probably knew I'd kill him if I found out. Oh yeah, and 4.) Even the biggest and toughest guy can be scared of a girl.

Boyfriend Chronicles, Part I

Valentine's Day has completely snuck up on me. I didn't realize it was this week until Giraffe's stepbrother asked us what we were planning on doing on the special day. We looked at one another with blank stares until I turned back to Stepbrother and said, "I have no idea." However, since then, I have developed a plan. I am going to cook him a special Valentine meal. As you all know from my aforementioned hesitancy of cooking due to the ill-fated gumbo, I am slightly nervous. I plan on documenting this later, so stay tuned for a hopefully good recipe and no stories about grease fires.

Because of all the reminders of Valentine's Day around, I've been reflecting on boyfriends from years gone by. Some of them were good, most of them were bad, but I learned something specific from each one that has helped me become who I am today, for better or worse. I have several installments, so for now, here is The Boyfriend Chronicles, Part I.

My freshman year of high school I pursued (okay, pretty heavily pursued) another freshman in the marching band. We had started a friendship at the end of 8th grade and we began talking on the phone all night, every night like teenagers often due. We somehow ended up in a relationship and spent three months of it barely seeing one another and talking on the phone all summer. When school started, I was psyched to have my first boyfriend! Due to some scheduling conflicts and the realization of "I love music...I can read music...why not be in band with all my friends?!", I joined up. He played tuba and I played percussion on the sidelines because since I joined late. Despite not marching around, I had a blast. Alright, back to the relationship. Since we had hardly spent any time actually together, it was not what I had imagined. However, I was not going to let this upset me! I mean, it was my first boyfriend, what kind of expectations did I have? My only knowledge was from cheesy, romance movies where everything is super perfect. What I, instead, had was a guy, whom another band member said best, was the reincarnation of a cow. He was just a very laid back kinda guy, to say the least.

Now, as this was my first relationship, I decided to go all out. I'm the creative type so I was going to make for him the best gift imaginable, in my opinion: a mixtape. That's right, a real analog tape filled with songs that had, on one side, sentimental value between us, and the other had songs representing how I felt about him. I spent the whole weekend gathering up the perfect songs and then began the meticulous process of putting each song on the tape and making sure the timing was right and no songs were clipped. Finally, it was done. And it was, to me, perfect. On the next Monday, I've got bounce to my step and I look forward to seeing him so I can give him this treasure that I created just for him. In band that afternoon, the time came. I prefaced it with something very romantic and articulate, I'm sure (i.e. "Uh, hey. I made you this."). He thanked me and got on the bus to go home after class. I released the breath I had been unknowingly holding and smiled to myself. He was going to love it, I just knew.

I see him the next day, expecting some sort of reaction such as spinning me in his arms saying how much he loved it or, even better, made me one of my own! However, he said nothing. All day. Or the next. So finally after waiting two whole days for some sort of reply (a simple "thank you" would have been nice), I ask him at the end of Wednesday. He shall be known as Boyfriend #1 or B1, for short.

Me: "B1, did you listen to the tape I made you?"
B1: "Huh? Oh...yeah."
Me: "Well, what did you think? Did you like it?"
B1: "I already had some of the songs on there, but the others just sucked."

WHAT?! Did he really just say that?? We'd been going out for months by now, and that's an eternity in high school, and he thanked his girlfriend this way? I was stunned. And, of course, heartbroken. The first nice thing I did in my first relationship had completely bombed. As you can imagine, all my female friends were all over him once they heard what had happened. Since this is high school, that took all of 1.2 seconds to get around. They offered encouraging words ("It's okay. I think what you did was really sweet!") and offers ("When I march next to him, I can bump into him and make his tuba crush him like it was an accident."), but things changed after that. I just didn't feel the same way and began wondering if this relationship was right for me.

Shortly thereafter, Christmas was upon us. Now, Christmas is a big deal to high schoolers in relationships. At the time, it was always understood that the guy would get the girl something special like the beloved pink ice ring of the time or something equally as cool. Me? I wanted something practical like books. That's what I got him for Christmas. A nice copy of The Phantom of the Opera with a carefully thought-out, sweet inscription in the front of the book. Let me interject for a moment: I am NOT the type of person who likes public displays of affection. At all. Imagining guys proposing to their girlfriends via scoreboards and the like freak me out. I'm just now coming around to kissing in public, but even now I still get that little feeling of anxiety. It's just not how I'm wired. Anyway, back to B1 and Christmas.

We had math class next door to one another during second period. During first, I had heard everyone telling me that B1 had something really crazy to give me and to get ready. I'm trying to gather information as best I can and finally someone blurts out, "It's in a HUGE box!" My world stopped spinning. My heart dropped. My face turned pale. I felt like throwing up. I didn't want the bell to ring because I knew as I came around the corner to go to algebra, he'd be there with a huge box that had already created a big buzz. Even the preppy kids, who I did not hang out with, had heard and were interested. Stupid high school. But the bell did ring, and I did see him holding a box bigger than him, walking down the hallway. I felt my face grow hot with embarrassment (something I do not handle well at all) and I set my stuff down in my classroom. Everyone called for me to go to his classroom and open up my Christmas present. My class and his class filled the room and surrounded me as I opened the box as quickly as I could because I wanted this over as soon as possible. However, I open the box and see...another box.

You've got to be kidding me. This is a nightmare. So I open up the next box, and the next, and finally get to the bottom where there's newspaper strips everywhere. So I start digging to find this present so I can just get on with my life and turns out, he had it in his pocket the whole time. Everyone oohed and aahed as he brought it out, so I turned to follow their gazes. He was holding a small, black box. Ring-sized. So I take it, open it up, and see a gorgeous diamond ring inside with approximately seven diamonds in the shape of a V. I put it on, show everyone with the biggest, fakest smile I can muster, and quickly exit the classroom. My heart didn't stop pounding all through algebra. Shortly thereafter, I had to call it quits with B1 because we were just not meant for each other.

I still have the ring and occasionally wear it when I'm wearing diamonds. The process of how I got it no longer bothers me and we became good friends afterwards. He is now married to his best friend's sister and they have a son together. My lesson from this relationship: no matter how many nice, romantic gestures you try to bring to the relationship, you need to make sure you actually get along by spending time together instead of just jumping in. That and under no circumstances should any guy try to make a big gesture to get my attention unless he wants me to throw up, and then dump him on the spot.